Blonde Jokes in English

Blonde Jokes in English

  • How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
  • A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were thinking about what they would do if they went to space. The redhead said, “I would adopt a martian.” The brunette said, “I would give Pluto some steroids.” The Blonde said, “I would go to the sun.” The redhead replied, “But you would burn up and die.” The blonde responded, “Not if I went at night.”
  • Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ‘It’s dark in here isn’t it?’ The other replied, ‘I don’t know; I can’t see.’
  • A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?” The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!” The cop looked at her and said, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener!”
  • Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.
  • How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
  • Why were there bullet holes in the mirror? A blonde tried killing herself.
  • A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”
  • There was a blonde driving in the countryside when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw a blonde in a rowboat frantically paddling. The blonde driver yelled out, “Hey! It’s blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew how to swim, I’d swim out there and kick your ass!”
  • What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
  • A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, ‘Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?’ She replied, ‘The can say for best results apply 2 coats.’
  • I knew a blonde that was so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
  • Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.
  • A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. “No!” yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. “For the last time, no!” says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, “Well, why the hell not?” The blonde says, “Because I wanna stay up here with you!”
  • Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

Blonde-Jokes-with-ImagesBlonde Jokes with Images

Short-Blonde-JokesShort Blonde Jokes

  • A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, “Wait, you forgot the remote!”
  • Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
  • Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?” The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
  • A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.
  • A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A blonde student responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise, I would have died without it.”
  • How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
  • Why did the blonde tip-toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!!
  • A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she’s at. The blonde replies, “I’m on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk.”
  • A blonde goes to the doctor’s and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what’s wrong. She replies, “I know who the dad is for one of them but I don’t know who the dad is for the other one!”
  • So I asked a blonde, “Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?” She said, “The Sun because I can look up and see it.
  • One day a blonde went into the library and asked the librarian, “Can I have a burger and fries?” The librarian replied, “This is the library.” Then blonde whispered, “Oh. Can I have a burger and fries?”
  • Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, “two to four years.”
  • A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?” The pig answered, “I won her at the fair.”
  • Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
  • “May I take your order?” the blonde waitress asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?” “Nothing special sir,” she replied, “we just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”
  • A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, “Aw, look at the dead birdie.” The blonde looks up and says, “Where?”

Funny-Blonde-JokesFunny Blonde Jokes

  • How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
  • Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
  • How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ears.
  • A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don’t match, one is red and the other is white. Her friend sees her out and says, “You know your socks don’t match, right? You’re wearing one red sock and one white sock.” The blonde responds, “That’s so weird! I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home.”
  • A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, “Can’t you see I’m winning?”
  • A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says It got cold so I turned off the fan.
  • Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
    A: Give her a piece of paper that has “Please turn over” written on both sides.
  • How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
  • How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
  • Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
  • One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. The doctor asked, “What happened?” The blonde said, “Well, I was ironing my husband’s shirt until the phone rang. I picked it up and half my face was burnt!” The doctor replied, “What about the other half?” The blonde answered, “They called back.”
  • A blonde, a fat brunette, and a skinny redhead find a magic mirror. If you lie to the mirror you die. The redhead says, “I look fat,” and dies. The brunette says, ” I look skinny,” and dies. The blonde says, “I think…” and dies.
  • What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? “Oh look! Donut seeds!”
  • I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
  • What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

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